30 Things... Now It's Your Turn!

These lists are floating around Facebook right now. This is my less Facebook-friendly list.

Here are the rules:
Write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

Since I can't tag people on Blogger, just share if you feel like sharing. I'm interested. :)

1. My parents sent me to fundamentalist Christian schools for K-12. I'm still not clear on why they did this, as they are not themselves fundamentalist Christians. I believe that teaching a child to believe in Hell is a form of abuse.
2. My beliefs nowadays are a mix of Thomas Paine's The Age of Reason, Tibetan Buddhism, the Tao Te Ching, Abraham-Hicks and the Yoga Sutras, which isn't nearly as confusing as it might sound.
3. I studied tap dance when I was very small. Nowadays I study bellydance.
4. I never didn't love boys. I never wasn't interested in sex.
5. I performed in the opening ceremonies of the 1984 U.S. Olympics along with my high school drill team.
6. The first boy who ever really kissed me was Italian and spoke not a word of English. I didn't speak any Italian, then, either.
7. I was excruciatingly shy growing up. I credit working in restaurants and travelling solo for the fact that I'm no longer shy, though I will always be an introvert.
8. In my next life, I intend to return with a good singing voice and a solid sense of direction; I currently possess neither. I openly admire these talents in others.
9. I've travelled alone to Italy twice- once at 19, to study at the Universita per gli Stranieri in Perugia, and again at 29, for a writing workshop in Chianti.
10. I am certified in Unix systems administration from UC Santa Cruz. I worked in the field of I.T. for nine years, from 1997 through April 2006.
11. I lived in Toronto, Ontario from 1994 to 1996, and again from 2001 to 2006. I bought a house there in 2000. Toronto is my favourite city to live in and I consider it home.
12. I am in complete awe of Supernanny and the Dog Whisperer, even though I don't have any dogs or children.
13. I have dual U.S. and Canadian citizenship as of 2008.
14. I’m an INFJ, mostly vata, my Love Language is physical affection and I’m a 4 on the Enneagram. I’m not yet certain that knowing these things has actually added in any way to my quality of life.
15. I am much more deeply attached to my loved ones than they often realize. I am also thinner-skinned, and less serious than I may seem. It's a Scorpio thing.
16. I'm not affiliated with any political party.
17. One of my nicknames growing up was Pooh. Some members of my family still call me this. In general I love nicknames and I’m a pushover for terms of endearment.
18. I’ve been practising yoga since 1997, teaching yoga off & on since 2002. I find it humbling and I believe it keeps me sane.
19. I don't have a favourite colour, film, musician, food, drink, place, author, or visual artist; the thought of trying to choose such things makes me anxious.
20. I can spend hours in a stationary store, a paper store, or a drugstore. I much prefer these places to malls or clothing stores.
21. I'd much rather go hiking or camping than ever take a cruise or stay at an all-inclusive resort.
22. I prefer tea to coffee, except in the morning.
23. I love vampire movies.
24. I am an obsessive list-maker.
25. People who talk in "lavender voice", use the imperative when speaking to me, or refer to themselves as spiritually enlightened set my teeth on edge.
26. I have a low tolerance for violence and cruelty, but well-chosen profanity totally cracks me up.
27. I believe that music makes life better and I truly love virtually every genre.
28. I don't know how I would go on living if I lost a member of my immediate family.
29. Watching my niece grow up safe and happy has been a healing experience for me. She is pure joy and it is one of the utmost blessings of my life to know her.
30. I have been in love many times. I believe that real love never dies and that it connects people to one another even if the relationship ends. I believe this is a blessing.

Anywhere on This Road

I live in this country now
I'm called by this name
I speak this language
It's not quite the same
For no other reason
Than this it's my home
And the places I used to be far from are gone

You've travelled this long
You just have to go on
Don't even look back to see
How far you've come
Though your body is bending
Under the load
There is nowhere to stop
Anywhere on this road

My heart is breaking
I cannot sleep
I love a man
Who's afraid of me
He believes if he doesn't
Stand guard with a knife
I'll make him my slave
For the rest of his life

I love this hour
When the tide is just turning
There will be an end
To the longing and yearning
If I can stand up
To angels and men
I'll never get swallowed
In darkness again

You've travelled this long
You just have to go on
Don't even look back to see
How far you've come
Though your body is bending
Under the load
There is nowhere to stop
Anywhere on this road
--Lhasa deSela

Integrity

Since last Friday I've had this expression, this dictate really, bouncing around in the back of my mind. Maybe it's just something that the Universe is guiding me to do-- something I need to hear right now. But it seems so familiar... like I've heard it somewhere before. I tried to Google the exact expression but no results were found. I tend to trust Google implicitly so that makes me think that perhaps I didn't read it anywhere. So maybe I heard it from a teacher or a friend at some point. Anyway, here it is. Let me know, please, if you can identify an attribution:

Use your power in the direction of love.

It does remind me of one of my favourite Audrey Lorde quotes, but it isn't quite the same:

When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --Audrey Lorde

For now I'm just going to continue to ponder it, to affirm it, and not to worry about where it came from. It's good advice, regardless...

Discipline, Intuition, and Practice

Erich Schiffmann has taught every teacher that I have ever connected with in a yoga class. My first teacher, Marti Foster, studied with him, among other yoga masters. I studied exclusively with Marti for the first four years that I practiced yoga. I could not have had a better introduction to the practice than to have studied with Marti.

When I moved to Toronto in 2001, I had to find a new studio, and most importantly, a new teacher. I was initially quite worried because I didn't know if there really was any yoga to speak of in Toronto, or if it would be the "same" yoga I was used to. It took a bit of searching, but as it turned out, there is a vibrant yoga scene in Toronto. Yoga Space was the 3rd studio I tried, but I knew fairly quickly that I was home. There was just something about the energy of the place: it was warm, friendly, relaxed, unpretentious, but serious about yoga as a discipline, practice, and way of life. This was exactly what I was accustomed to from studying with Marti.

In fact, at the Yoga Space, I found not one, but two incredible and very different teachers: Bibi Hahn, who teaches Flow Yoga, which came from a practice developed by Amrit Desai at Kripalu; and Kathryn Beet, who teaches Vinyasa Flow. (Bibi and Kathryn both teach in a style and a manner that is informed by the Krishnamacharya-Desikachar tradition, as well as many other forms and traditions of yoga.)

Once again, I discovered a few months after making Yoga Space my new yoga "home", that Kathryn and Bibi had not only studied with Erich but that they were good friends with him.

I really hope that this year will be the year that I finally get to practice with Erich myself. In fact, if all goes well, I am really hoping to participate in his 10-day Teacher Training at the end of the summer. The timing will be a bit tricky, but I will hope for the best.

Here's an example of why Erich is teh bomb. He's a 6'4" pudd'n. It comes across in everything he says and does. I pre-love him.



WHOOSH! :)

Kudos

Yesterday I received not one, but two really nice notes from other therapists I've worked with recently. Sometimes it's really easy for me to disregard the kudos I receive, instead choosing to stay focused on my "problem areas" or weak spots. So I'm just going to take a minute here to soak in these kind words, at the risk of bragging a little bit in the process.

The first is from a therapist that I met in massage therapy school. She and I used to do a weekly trade of bodywork, but she went out of state for a few months at the end of last year. We just reinstated our weekly trade as of this past Monday.

Yesterday morning I went out the front door of my apartment to discover this lovely note from her, written in a beautiful little embossed card, wedged into the door jamb. She must have dropped it by late the night before, or early that morning.

It finally came "full circle" for me yesterday. After receiving such fabulous, yet relieving work from you-- I felt I provided the same for my client/friend that evening and it was such a sense of finally crossing that Bridge of Knowing*!*

The thing is, I know exactly what she's talking about. Receiving bodywork on a regular basis is a really important part of my learning process as well. Getting onto the table as a client reminds me of just how good any massage therapy feels, and receiving neuromuscular therapy in particular, I am reminded of how simple yet effective this kind of therapy really is for the body and mind. Being reminded of that on a regular basis, I have found, really boosts my confidence. It serves as a reminder to "just do the work" and to trust that it will be powerful and effective.

I tend to be an overly analytical person, so I can fall into the trap of overthinking what I am doing. I can get in the way of the work itself if I'm not careful to just stay present, trust my instincts and keep it simple. I'm really gratified that I could be that catalyst for another therapist's remembering. But more than that, I'm just so grateful for this particular friend and her willingness to share her feedback with me. She sets a really good example and serves as a reminder to me never to hold back on praise. I'm so pleased we'll be trading every week once again!

The second note came in the form of an email, from a therapist I've been studying with for the past nine months or so. She runs a non-profit organization that brings massage therapy to people in or with a history of cancer treatment. She has quickly become one of my heroes. She is professional, knowledgeable, and incredibly technically skilled as a therapist. At the same time, she is loving, open, generous of spirit, and incredibly kind-hearted. She is also a wonderful example to me of self-care and setting boundaries. I just all-around admire her deeply.

Technically, I finished my oncology massage practicum in December of last year. But I loved the experience of working with the chemo patients within the infusion center setting, so I let the founder know that I'd be interested in staying involved, and ultimately, finding a regular weekly volunteer placement. She offered me the opportunity to go into an IC for a 2-hour session on Tuesday by myself, followed by a debriefing with her. I was nervous but I wanted to have the experience of going in alone. I figured I had to have my first solo run sooner or later, so I might as well go for it.

This is what she had to say the following day:

Lovely seeing you onsite yesterday!

You have a lovely grace, and a special skill at bringing harmony into a space,
and no doubt those who receive your touch benefit tremendously from that.

[...]

It may take some searching to find exactly what you want,
but have no doubt, you will find it.

It may seem like a small thing, but I really appreciated those words of encouragement. This particular profession can feel a bit lonely and isolated at times. There is no corporate "parent" whose apron I can hide beneath anymore. There is no entity or individual who will be there to lend legitimacy to what I do, or to validate the quality or efficacy of my work. For the first time in my professional life, I will really have to learn the art of marketing my skills and my self. It can feel quite daunting at times, but notes like this one really help a lot. Again, I find myself just feeling grateful for this individual, the work that she does, and her willingness to be so inclusive, encouraging, and generous with her time and energy. I learn a lot by observing experienced, successful therapists-- how they present themselves, and how they interact with others. I can't think about my own success too hard without feeling quickly overwhelmed with the anxiety of potential failure. So instead, I just go into each day as open as I possibly can be, putting one foot in front of the other and trusting the work itself. If I take my "self" out of the equation as much as possible, and make it about the work, I find my anxiety quickly begins to subside.

Inauguration 2009

I can hardly believe it... A friend and I have just secured two tickets to Obama's Inauguration in Washington, D.C. on January 20th, 2009.

We really didn't think we had a chance at this point.

Don't get me wrong... we had decided back in October to be in D.C. for the event no matter what. We booked our flights and hotel a couple of weeks before the election, assuming we could always make changes or cancellations, for a small fee, if necessary. But we knew it wouldn't be necessary. We were both checking fivethirtyeight.com obsessively by mid-October, and it was already pretty clear that it was going to be an Obama landslide. Simultaneous with the the inspiration to book early, had arrived a crystal-clear vision in my mind's eye of us standing there, on the lawn, the podium roughly at eye level. That vision never left my mind's eye. I didn't know how we were going to get there; it was just never a concern, as strange as that sounds. I don't know if we manifested this, or if it was just one of my premonitions... I'm starting to wonder if maybe the difference between the two is sometimes negligible...

Anyway. After the election, we immediately began e-mailing, calling, and writing to our Senators and Representatives... along with the rest of the Progressive population of the United States. What we received in response were form letters and form e-mails, explaining to us that there was an unprecedented demand for Inauguration tickets this year, and that our request would unfortunately not be met.

We were undaunted, because we knew that just being in D.C. for the week of the Inauguration is going to be an incredibly good time. We just wanted to be part of the experience in any way possible. To see D.C. for the first time during that week is going to be so much fun.

And then yesterday, my friend mentioned that she had recently met two people who got tickets to the Inauguration. They suggested that we check again with our representatives to see if anyone had not picked up their tickets. They were convinced it was worth a try. My friend said she'd be happy to check into it, but wouldn't knock herself out over it. Neither of us was too attached to the outcome.

Well, a rep from one our our Congresspeople's offices just called her back this morning to let her know that there are two tickets available for us. We had to give our names so that the tickets could be reserved especially for us.

I am still in shock, and yet not exactly surprised. :)

Blood Type, Diet and Personality

Lately I've been exploring the relationship between blood type, diet, and health. I know a couple of people who lost 30-50 lbs on the Eat Right for your Type diet. Since I moved back to the suburbs 2+ years ago, I've been struggling with weight gain. So I got curious and bought one of the Eat Right books a couple of months ago.
In addition to my friends' proven successes on the plan, I was sold by the fact that the diet recommended for my type (I'm blood type A RHpos) is very much aligned with how I eat when I am paying attention to my body and taking good care of myself: mostly vegetarian, with certain types of fish being good for me and others not agreeing with me. Plenty of fruits and vegetables, with berries being especially good and banana, coconut, and melon not so much. Root veggies and dark leafy greens need to be a much bigger part of my food world... Cream cheese, sour cream, feta and goat cheese are all fine, but I need to stay away from the most cow's milk products and the hard cheeses that I love to gorge myself on, but secretly know don't agree with me. I could eat chicken according to the type A plan, but I choose not to. The plan also says I must stay away from all kinds of red meat; I figured that out about 15 years ago. It also says that while gluten is fine for me, wheat is not a good choice. (This is a tough one given that wheat flour is used as a filler in sooo many processed foods and breads.)
Anyway, the fact that the plan syncs with much of what I've discovered through 15 years of trial and error makes me happy; I tend not to like too much sudden change... unless it's my idea; imposed from some external source, not so much.

Since being introduced to the Eat Right diet, I've been wondering about how it might sync up with Macrobiotics and Ayurveda (Indian medicine), both of which are systems I've experimented with in the past, that seem to overlap nicely for my "type" and particular issues.

When I stumbled across a link to this article on HuffPo, I found it a fascinating addition to my little study of blood type and how it relates to diet, lifestyle and personality. It should, I suppose, be taken with a grain of salt because of its provenance. Nonetheless, the type A description is spot-on for me:

Type O
You are the social butterflies. Often popular and self-confident, you are very creative and always seem to be the center of attention. You make a good impression on people and you’re often quite attractive. Organized and determined, your stubbornness will help you reach your goals. You make good leaders. Lovewise, O is most compatible with O and AB. Common career choices: banker, politician, gambler, minister, investment broker, and pro athlete.

Type A
Type As may seem calm on the outside, but inside, you’re filled with anxiety and worry. You’re perfectionists and often shy and sensitive. Usually introverted, you’re stable and thoughtful. You make good listeners and are sensitive to color and your surroundings. You like to be fashionable and are up on the latest trends, but never flashy or gaudy. You like romantic settings and often shun reality for fantasy worlds. A is most compatible with A and AB in the love department. Common career choices: accountant, librarian, economist, writer, computer programmer, and gossip columnist.

Type B
You can be very goal-oriented and often complete the ambitious tasks set before you. Outgoing and very charming, you’re good at reading people and providing support. Though critical of appearance (but not your own), you aren’t picky and are unlikely to dwell over the little things. Type Bs are impulsive individualists who often create their own path in life. You are very strong and optimistic. B is most compatible with B and AB lovers. Common career choices: cook, hairdresser, military leader, talk show host, and journalist.

Type AB
Not surprisingly, ABs can be quite dualistic, possessing both A and B traits. You may be shy and outgoing, and hesitant and confident. You often stand out from others, don’t like labels, and are nice and easy going. You are logical and determined to do things correctly. Usually trustworthy, you like to help others. You often speak in a serious manner. Your patience, concentration, and intelligence are admirable. AB can find a soul mate with any other blood type. Common career choices: bartender, lawyer, teacher, sales representative, and social worker.

Read the entire article here.

I'd love to see some huge, integrative chart of how blood type characteristics sync up with Macrobiotics and Ayurveda in terms of diet, lifestyle, and personality...

How To Tell The Truth

Something that a friend wrote recently on the subject of telling the truth and being direct has reminded me of an article I stumbled across years ago... when I was trying to figure out, quite literally, how to tell the truth. It had recently become unavoidably clear to me that I was not a particularly honest person. A dear friend put it as kindly as he possibly could, and in hindsight-- 13 years on-- I see that he really nailed it. He said, "I think you're as honest with others are you are with yourself." (Which was to say, at the time, very dishonest indeed.)

Being the geek that I am, I actually did an internet search for any insights I might find. This article, and the decisions and actions that followed from it, started a process that has been ongoing ever since.

I had thought that figuring out how to tell the truth was the starting point; was I ever wrong.

Truth: How and Why To Tell It

Here's an excerpt:

Knowing one's own truth.
We are all on our journey toward knowing ourselves better, becoming more aware and more connected to the truth of who we really are.
It is only through our relationships with others that we discover deeper truths about ourselves.
I can never know the truth about another's journey towards truth.

I am on my own unique journey and can never know about another's journey.
Every person's journey is unique to themselves. Though someone else may not allow themselves to know much about their journey, but it is certain that I cannot know about it. So I will stop trying to figure out the truth of another's journey.
If I am looking to others to decide what to do, think, or feel, I am lost in their journey. I feel unease. When I let go of trying to figure out the other person's journey, their intention, their goal or motivation, I feel ease.

I can always know the truth about myself.
The journey towards my truth exists only for me. It is unique to me and for me.
My truth does not have to be substantiated with facts. It does not have to be proven. It does not have to be confirmed.
With mindfulness, I can be well connected to my truth.

Read the rest of the article here

One of the many things I've always loved about that article, and this particular type of truth-telling, is that it makes very clear that figuring out one's own truth is a full-time job. I'm on my journey, you're on yours. I'm writing the script to my life; I can't write yours and you can't fill in the blanks of mine. The most we can do is compare notes, and maybe give a tiny bit of insight in the places where we've had similar experiences.

Coincidentally, I stumbled across a couple of quotes earlier today, on Rob Brezny's site, that are relevant here. Specifically, they deal with the concept of truth-telling as it relates to political and social life, service, and activism.

"The best political, social, and spiritual work we can do is to withdraw the projection of our shadow onto others."
--Carl Jung

"Political activism is seductive because it seems to offer the possibility that one can improve society, make things better, without going through the personal ordeal of rearranging one's perceptions and transforming one's self."
--Tom Robbins

Something in me had always been drawn to extremely direct people. Something in me still is. I have many direct people in my life, and I'm always looking for more. I'm definitely in the You Can't Have Too Many Friends camp.

But these days, I especially value those who can deliver honesty with directness, yes, but with love and compassion as well. Truth-telling, being direct, calling bullshit... there's a form of this that is actually, at heart, quite dishonest. When it becomes sanctimonious, anger-laden, cruel... there's invariably something else going on. At that point, the "truths" that are being delivered really aren't useful; something else is in the way.

Truth is always ultimately built on a foundation of love. It's just sometimes quite difficult and scary to get underneath the surface of things and figure out what's really going on, and to understand what, or who, really needs to change. It's easy to get comfortable with our own Official Story, and to cling to it come hell or high water. But it's also easy to suss out the blind spots: they'll always be right where we're afraid to look, right around the most ominous-looking corner. They'll always be protecting the parts of ourselves and others we're failing to really, deeply love.

I am resolved to take these guidelines to heart, once again, as I step into the new year.

Knotty Pine

by Meredith Broome. See more at her site, Relevant Elephants

Famous Blue Raincoat

Tori Amos covering Leonard Cohen's "Famous Blue Raincoat"... doesn't get much better than this!