Puedo Escribir Los Versos . . .

by Pablo Neruda

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is shattered,
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved him, and sometimes he loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held him in my arms.
I kissed him again and again under the endless sky.

He loved me, and sometimes I loved him too.
How could one not have loved his great still eyes?

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have him. To feel that I have lost him.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without him,
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep him.
That night is shattered and he is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost him.

My sight searches for him as though to go to him.
My heart looks for him, and he is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love him, that is certain, but how I loved him.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch his hearing.

Another's. He will be another's. Like my kisses before.
His voice. His bright body. His infinite eyes,

I no longer love him, that is certain, but maybe I love him.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held him in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost him.

Though this be the last pain that he makes me suffer,
and these the last verses that I write for him.

-adapted from the original

Andy Garcia reading the original, from Il Postino

An Interview with Amma on the Nature of the Ego

I have long wanted to meet Mata Amritanandamayi (Amma) in person and sit in darshan with her. She is said to be an incarnation of the Divine Mother. If nothing else, I'm curious to experience one of her world-famous hugs!

This is a very interesting article/interview with Amma on the subject of the ego. Much food for thought!

When You Go Beyond the Ego You Become an Offering to the World

An interview with Mata Amritanandamayi by Amy Edelstein

What I am finding fascinating in her discussion of ego is her insistence on the fact that the ego is simply unreal. Eckhart Tolle discusses the ego in a very similar manner. In response to the question, What is ego?, she has this to say:

You are actually asking, what is unreality? But how can unreality be described? What use is there in talking about something that isn't real, that is nonexistent? And how can you speak about that which is real? Amma can only give you a few hints. The mind is the ego. But the ego is a big lie—it is a liar. It is unreal.

In Western thought we tend to frame the ego as a foe to enlightenment, happiness, or spiritual evolution. But in Eastern thought, the ego is an illusion. It's soooo easy for me to forget this! Over and over again, I slip back into the belief that the ego must be defeated, conquered, or killed. Seems an insurmountable task-- and rather scary. Again- Western psychology, still Freudian in more ways than it wants to admit, still insists that the ego is a necessary part of the psyche that must be healed, strengthened, and then somehow reined in. It is there for our protection, we just can't let it drive the bus. This, in contrast, is Ammachi's take:

The ego is an illusion with no existence of its own. It appears to be real because of the power it derives from the Atman [Self]. It is animated by the Atman. The ego itself can be compared to dead matter; for without the Atman, it would have no life. Stop supporting the ego, and it will withdraw and disappear. We ourselves lend the unreal ego its reality. Expose it for what it is, or rather, for what it isn't, and that will be the end of it.

What Amma seems to be saying is that the more we disidentify with the ego as something real, the less effect it has and the more we move towards a consciousness of that which IS real-- that we are all one, that there really is no otherness. This seems simple to me, and I really believe that the deepest truths about life ARE simple. Not complicated at all, like my EGO wants to make them. More Ammachi:

The ego consists of our thoughts and our mind. Our thoughts are our own creation. We make them real by cooperating with them. If we withdraw our support, they will dissolve. We simply have to observe our thoughts. [...] If we simply witness our thoughts as they drift by, they will no longer have any effect on us or influence us in any way.

I love the Tolle/Eastern view so much more because it takes away the combative aspect of this struggle. "To Do: Conquer Ego over and over again every day." So exhausting! What Amma, Tolle and other gurus seem to be saying is, realize that the ego is a complete illusion. When asked What is ego death for the true seeker of moksha [liberation]?, Amma replies:

If the ego is unreal, what death are you talking about? We superimpose the unreal on the real. What really exists is Brahman. There is no discovery, only uncovering.

But the Western interviewer persists: Is it possible for a master to completely annihilate their ego?

A mahatma [great soul] is one who disidentifies with the ego; they see everything as an extension of the Self. Due to our ignorance, we identify with the ego, with that which is not real, but a mahatma is not identified at all with the ego, with that which is unreal.

Lest it all sound too easy, I will say that Amma does, of course, advocate the guru-disciple relationship as absolutely crucial to this process:

Though that subtle knowledge is our true nature, we have been identified with the world of names and forms for so long, thinking them to be real. We now need to cease that identification. But in reality, there is nothing to teach. A master simply helps you to complete the journey.

She also discusses the importance of studying with a true master, and the dangers of delusion:

There will be many temptations and challenges along the way. Only an experienced person can help you. The way to moksha is very subtle, and it is easy for a spiritual aspirant to become deluded. [...]

So would you say that people like this have become more proud as a result of having had spiritual experiences? Can spiritual experiences at times strengthen the ego in a negative way?

The people to whom this happens are deluded, and they confuse others as well. They will actually push others into delusion. Some people gain a glimpse of something, or have a spiritual experience, and then think they have attained moksha. Only someone who is not realized will think, "I am spiritual, I am realized," and this will create a strong, subtle ego. A subtle ego is more dangerous than a gross ego. Even the individuals themselves won't understand that the subtle ego is leading or motivating them, and this subtle ego will become part of their nature. [...]

Amma also feels that this kind of pride makes people lose their capacity to listen. And listening is extremely important on the spiritual path. A person who does not listen cannot be humble. And it is only when we are truly humble that the already existing pure Consciousness will be unfolded within us.

Once again, Amma returns to her straightforward message, in discussing dharma, purity, and love:

By loving life with the right attitude and having the right understanding, we will know what the right thing to do is. And then, if we perform our dharma, purity will come. [...] Love isn't something that can be cultivated—it's already within us in all its fullness. Life cannot exist without love; they are inseparable. Life and love are not two; they are one and the same. A little bit of the proper channeling of your energies will awaken the love within you.

This gives my soul a deep sigh of relief!