30 Things... Now It's Your Turn!

These lists are floating around Facebook right now. This is my less Facebook-friendly list.

Here are the rules:
Write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

Since I can't tag people on Blogger, just share if you feel like sharing. I'm interested. :)

1. My parents sent me to fundamentalist Christian schools for K-12. I'm still not clear on why they did this, as they are not themselves fundamentalist Christians. I believe that teaching a child to believe in Hell is a form of abuse.
2. My beliefs nowadays are a mix of Thomas Paine's The Age of Reason, Tibetan Buddhism, the Tao Te Ching, Abraham-Hicks and the Yoga Sutras, which isn't nearly as confusing as it might sound.
3. I studied tap dance when I was very small. Nowadays I study bellydance.
4. I never didn't love boys. I never wasn't interested in sex.
5. I performed in the opening ceremonies of the 1984 U.S. Olympics along with my high school drill team.
6. The first boy who ever really kissed me was Italian and spoke not a word of English. I didn't speak any Italian, then, either.
7. I was excruciatingly shy growing up. I credit working in restaurants and travelling solo for the fact that I'm no longer shy, though I will always be an introvert.
8. In my next life, I intend to return with a good singing voice and a solid sense of direction; I currently possess neither. I openly admire these talents in others.
9. I've travelled alone to Italy twice- once at 19, to study at the Universita per gli Stranieri in Perugia, and again at 29, for a writing workshop in Chianti.
10. I am certified in Unix systems administration from UC Santa Cruz. I worked in the field of I.T. for nine years, from 1997 through April 2006.
11. I lived in Toronto, Ontario from 1994 to 1996, and again from 2001 to 2006. I bought a house there in 2000. Toronto is my favourite city to live in and I consider it home.
12. I am in complete awe of Supernanny and the Dog Whisperer, even though I don't have any dogs or children.
13. I have dual U.S. and Canadian citizenship as of 2008.
14. I’m an INFJ, mostly vata, my Love Language is physical affection and I’m a 4 on the Enneagram. I’m not yet certain that knowing these things has actually added in any way to my quality of life.
15. I am much more deeply attached to my loved ones than they often realize. I am also thinner-skinned, and less serious than I may seem. It's a Scorpio thing.
16. I'm not affiliated with any political party.
17. One of my nicknames growing up was Pooh. Some members of my family still call me this. In general I love nicknames and I’m a pushover for terms of endearment.
18. I’ve been practising yoga since 1997, teaching yoga off & on since 2002. I find it humbling and I believe it keeps me sane.
19. I don't have a favourite colour, film, musician, food, drink, place, author, or visual artist; the thought of trying to choose such things makes me anxious.
20. I can spend hours in a stationary store, a paper store, or a drugstore. I much prefer these places to malls or clothing stores.
21. I'd much rather go hiking or camping than ever take a cruise or stay at an all-inclusive resort.
22. I prefer tea to coffee, except in the morning.
23. I love vampire movies.
24. I am an obsessive list-maker.
25. People who talk in "lavender voice", use the imperative when speaking to me, or refer to themselves as spiritually enlightened set my teeth on edge.
26. I have a low tolerance for violence and cruelty, but well-chosen profanity totally cracks me up.
27. I believe that music makes life better and I truly love virtually every genre.
28. I don't know how I would go on living if I lost a member of my immediate family.
29. Watching my niece grow up safe and happy has been a healing experience for me. She is pure joy and it is one of the utmost blessings of my life to know her.
30. I have been in love many times. I believe that real love never dies and that it connects people to one another even if the relationship ends. I believe this is a blessing.

Anywhere on This Road

I live in this country now
I'm called by this name
I speak this language
It's not quite the same
For no other reason
Than this it's my home
And the places I used to be far from are gone

You've travelled this long
You just have to go on
Don't even look back to see
How far you've come
Though your body is bending
Under the load
There is nowhere to stop
Anywhere on this road

My heart is breaking
I cannot sleep
I love a man
Who's afraid of me
He believes if he doesn't
Stand guard with a knife
I'll make him my slave
For the rest of his life

I love this hour
When the tide is just turning
There will be an end
To the longing and yearning
If I can stand up
To angels and men
I'll never get swallowed
In darkness again

You've travelled this long
You just have to go on
Don't even look back to see
How far you've come
Though your body is bending
Under the load
There is nowhere to stop
Anywhere on this road
--Lhasa deSela

Integrity

Since last Friday I've had this expression, this dictate really, bouncing around in the back of my mind. Maybe it's just something that the Universe is guiding me to do-- something I need to hear right now. But it seems so familiar... like I've heard it somewhere before. I tried to Google the exact expression but no results were found. I tend to trust Google implicitly so that makes me think that perhaps I didn't read it anywhere. So maybe I heard it from a teacher or a friend at some point. Anyway, here it is. Let me know, please, if you can identify an attribution:

Use your power in the direction of love.

It does remind me of one of my favourite Audrey Lorde quotes, but it isn't quite the same:

When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --Audrey Lorde

For now I'm just going to continue to ponder it, to affirm it, and not to worry about where it came from. It's good advice, regardless...

Discipline, Intuition, and Practice

Erich Schiffmann has taught every teacher that I have ever connected with in a yoga class. My first teacher, Marti Foster, studied with him, among other yoga masters. I studied exclusively with Marti for the first four years that I practiced yoga. I could not have had a better introduction to the practice than to have studied with Marti.

When I moved to Toronto in 2001, I had to find a new studio, and most importantly, a new teacher. I was initially quite worried because I didn't know if there really was any yoga to speak of in Toronto, or if it would be the "same" yoga I was used to. It took a bit of searching, but as it turned out, there is a vibrant yoga scene in Toronto. Yoga Space was the 3rd studio I tried, but I knew fairly quickly that I was home. There was just something about the energy of the place: it was warm, friendly, relaxed, unpretentious, but serious about yoga as a discipline, practice, and way of life. This was exactly what I was accustomed to from studying with Marti.

In fact, at the Yoga Space, I found not one, but two incredible and very different teachers: Bibi Hahn, who teaches Flow Yoga, which came from a practice developed by Amrit Desai at Kripalu; and Kathryn Beet, who teaches Vinyasa Flow. (Bibi and Kathryn both teach in a style and a manner that is informed by the Krishnamacharya-Desikachar tradition, as well as many other forms and traditions of yoga.)

Once again, I discovered a few months after making Yoga Space my new yoga "home", that Kathryn and Bibi had not only studied with Erich but that they were good friends with him.

I really hope that this year will be the year that I finally get to practice with Erich myself. In fact, if all goes well, I am really hoping to participate in his 10-day Teacher Training at the end of the summer. The timing will be a bit tricky, but I will hope for the best.

Here's an example of why Erich is teh bomb. He's a 6'4" pudd'n. It comes across in everything he says and does. I pre-love him.



WHOOSH! :)

Kudos

Yesterday I received not one, but two really nice notes from other therapists I've worked with recently. Sometimes it's really easy for me to disregard the kudos I receive, instead choosing to stay focused on my "problem areas" or weak spots. So I'm just going to take a minute here to soak in these kind words, at the risk of bragging a little bit in the process.

The first is from a therapist that I met in massage therapy school. She and I used to do a weekly trade of bodywork, but she went out of state for a few months at the end of last year. We just reinstated our weekly trade as of this past Monday.

Yesterday morning I went out the front door of my apartment to discover this lovely note from her, written in a beautiful little embossed card, wedged into the door jamb. She must have dropped it by late the night before, or early that morning.

It finally came "full circle" for me yesterday. After receiving such fabulous, yet relieving work from you-- I felt I provided the same for my client/friend that evening and it was such a sense of finally crossing that Bridge of Knowing*!*

The thing is, I know exactly what she's talking about. Receiving bodywork on a regular basis is a really important part of my learning process as well. Getting onto the table as a client reminds me of just how good any massage therapy feels, and receiving neuromuscular therapy in particular, I am reminded of how simple yet effective this kind of therapy really is for the body and mind. Being reminded of that on a regular basis, I have found, really boosts my confidence. It serves as a reminder to "just do the work" and to trust that it will be powerful and effective.

I tend to be an overly analytical person, so I can fall into the trap of overthinking what I am doing. I can get in the way of the work itself if I'm not careful to just stay present, trust my instincts and keep it simple. I'm really gratified that I could be that catalyst for another therapist's remembering. But more than that, I'm just so grateful for this particular friend and her willingness to share her feedback with me. She sets a really good example and serves as a reminder to me never to hold back on praise. I'm so pleased we'll be trading every week once again!

The second note came in the form of an email, from a therapist I've been studying with for the past nine months or so. She runs a non-profit organization that brings massage therapy to people in or with a history of cancer treatment. She has quickly become one of my heroes. She is professional, knowledgeable, and incredibly technically skilled as a therapist. At the same time, she is loving, open, generous of spirit, and incredibly kind-hearted. She is also a wonderful example to me of self-care and setting boundaries. I just all-around admire her deeply.

Technically, I finished my oncology massage practicum in December of last year. But I loved the experience of working with the chemo patients within the infusion center setting, so I let the founder know that I'd be interested in staying involved, and ultimately, finding a regular weekly volunteer placement. She offered me the opportunity to go into an IC for a 2-hour session on Tuesday by myself, followed by a debriefing with her. I was nervous but I wanted to have the experience of going in alone. I figured I had to have my first solo run sooner or later, so I might as well go for it.

This is what she had to say the following day:

Lovely seeing you onsite yesterday!

You have a lovely grace, and a special skill at bringing harmony into a space,
and no doubt those who receive your touch benefit tremendously from that.

[...]

It may take some searching to find exactly what you want,
but have no doubt, you will find it.

It may seem like a small thing, but I really appreciated those words of encouragement. This particular profession can feel a bit lonely and isolated at times. There is no corporate "parent" whose apron I can hide beneath anymore. There is no entity or individual who will be there to lend legitimacy to what I do, or to validate the quality or efficacy of my work. For the first time in my professional life, I will really have to learn the art of marketing my skills and my self. It can feel quite daunting at times, but notes like this one really help a lot. Again, I find myself just feeling grateful for this individual, the work that she does, and her willingness to be so inclusive, encouraging, and generous with her time and energy. I learn a lot by observing experienced, successful therapists-- how they present themselves, and how they interact with others. I can't think about my own success too hard without feeling quickly overwhelmed with the anxiety of potential failure. So instead, I just go into each day as open as I possibly can be, putting one foot in front of the other and trusting the work itself. If I take my "self" out of the equation as much as possible, and make it about the work, I find my anxiety quickly begins to subside.