An Interview with Amma on the Nature of the Ego

I have long wanted to meet Mata Amritanandamayi (Amma) in person and sit in darshan with her. She is said to be an incarnation of the Divine Mother. If nothing else, I'm curious to experience one of her world-famous hugs!

This is a very interesting article/interview with Amma on the subject of the ego. Much food for thought!

When You Go Beyond the Ego You Become an Offering to the World

An interview with Mata Amritanandamayi by Amy Edelstein

What I am finding fascinating in her discussion of ego is her insistence on the fact that the ego is simply unreal. Eckhart Tolle discusses the ego in a very similar manner. In response to the question, What is ego?, she has this to say:

You are actually asking, what is unreality? But how can unreality be described? What use is there in talking about something that isn't real, that is nonexistent? And how can you speak about that which is real? Amma can only give you a few hints. The mind is the ego. But the ego is a big lie—it is a liar. It is unreal.

In Western thought we tend to frame the ego as a foe to enlightenment, happiness, or spiritual evolution. But in Eastern thought, the ego is an illusion. It's soooo easy for me to forget this! Over and over again, I slip back into the belief that the ego must be defeated, conquered, or killed. Seems an insurmountable task-- and rather scary. Again- Western psychology, still Freudian in more ways than it wants to admit, still insists that the ego is a necessary part of the psyche that must be healed, strengthened, and then somehow reined in. It is there for our protection, we just can't let it drive the bus. This, in contrast, is Ammachi's take:

The ego is an illusion with no existence of its own. It appears to be real because of the power it derives from the Atman [Self]. It is animated by the Atman. The ego itself can be compared to dead matter; for without the Atman, it would have no life. Stop supporting the ego, and it will withdraw and disappear. We ourselves lend the unreal ego its reality. Expose it for what it is, or rather, for what it isn't, and that will be the end of it.

What Amma seems to be saying is that the more we disidentify with the ego as something real, the less effect it has and the more we move towards a consciousness of that which IS real-- that we are all one, that there really is no otherness. This seems simple to me, and I really believe that the deepest truths about life ARE simple. Not complicated at all, like my EGO wants to make them. More Ammachi:

The ego consists of our thoughts and our mind. Our thoughts are our own creation. We make them real by cooperating with them. If we withdraw our support, they will dissolve. We simply have to observe our thoughts. [...] If we simply witness our thoughts as they drift by, they will no longer have any effect on us or influence us in any way.

I love the Tolle/Eastern view so much more because it takes away the combative aspect of this struggle. "To Do: Conquer Ego over and over again every day." So exhausting! What Amma, Tolle and other gurus seem to be saying is, realize that the ego is a complete illusion. When asked What is ego death for the true seeker of moksha [liberation]?, Amma replies:

If the ego is unreal, what death are you talking about? We superimpose the unreal on the real. What really exists is Brahman. There is no discovery, only uncovering.

But the Western interviewer persists: Is it possible for a master to completely annihilate their ego?

A mahatma [great soul] is one who disidentifies with the ego; they see everything as an extension of the Self. Due to our ignorance, we identify with the ego, with that which is not real, but a mahatma is not identified at all with the ego, with that which is unreal.

Lest it all sound too easy, I will say that Amma does, of course, advocate the guru-disciple relationship as absolutely crucial to this process:

Though that subtle knowledge is our true nature, we have been identified with the world of names and forms for so long, thinking them to be real. We now need to cease that identification. But in reality, there is nothing to teach. A master simply helps you to complete the journey.

She also discusses the importance of studying with a true master, and the dangers of delusion:

There will be many temptations and challenges along the way. Only an experienced person can help you. The way to moksha is very subtle, and it is easy for a spiritual aspirant to become deluded. [...]

So would you say that people like this have become more proud as a result of having had spiritual experiences? Can spiritual experiences at times strengthen the ego in a negative way?

The people to whom this happens are deluded, and they confuse others as well. They will actually push others into delusion. Some people gain a glimpse of something, or have a spiritual experience, and then think they have attained moksha. Only someone who is not realized will think, "I am spiritual, I am realized," and this will create a strong, subtle ego. A subtle ego is more dangerous than a gross ego. Even the individuals themselves won't understand that the subtle ego is leading or motivating them, and this subtle ego will become part of their nature. [...]

Amma also feels that this kind of pride makes people lose their capacity to listen. And listening is extremely important on the spiritual path. A person who does not listen cannot be humble. And it is only when we are truly humble that the already existing pure Consciousness will be unfolded within us.

Once again, Amma returns to her straightforward message, in discussing dharma, purity, and love:

By loving life with the right attitude and having the right understanding, we will know what the right thing to do is. And then, if we perform our dharma, purity will come. [...] Love isn't something that can be cultivated—it's already within us in all its fullness. Life cannot exist without love; they are inseparable. Life and love are not two; they are one and the same. A little bit of the proper channeling of your energies will awaken the love within you.

This gives my soul a deep sigh of relief!

On Deserving and Joy

Lately, with the encouragement of a very wise friend, I have been giving a lot of consideration to my own beliefs about deserving and joy. Due to a recent loss, I have been given pause to re-examine my beliefs, and how they might be contributing to a pattern that I can see clearly when I look at my life.
By just about any standard, I must say that I have been very, very blessed in many ways. My mother even goes as far as to say that I was born under a lucky star, and I can definitely see her point. In the area of career and material things, for example, I do seem to luck my way into very fortunate circumstances.
However, in other areas I have been met with many challenges. My experiences in the realm of relationships and family, in particular, seem to be characterized by a fair bit of suffering and loss. I don't know, but perhaps this pattern was set early, when my father decided he wanted to be elsewhere. That strong sense of abandonment a child feels when a parent deeply disappoints them in some fundamental way is difficult to shake; it sets up certain negative expectations about how relationships work. A sense of melancholy set in early, and soon became a part of my very identity. I have no real way of knowing whether or not my disposition would have been any different had I not been exposed to so much sadness before I was ready to make sense of it. But my strong suspicion is that it would have, because I don't believe that any child comes into this world in sadness.
My friend suggested to me that perhaps it is time for me to let go of the ideas that might be holding me back from truly experiencing joy in my life. Specifically, she said that she had observed in me a certain tendency to mistrust the unexpected blessings that arrive in my life. She picked up on my perpetual wait for the other shoe to drop, as well as my strongly held belief that certain kinds of happiness can only be achieved through suffering, through paying one's dues.
So I set about working on some affirmations in my journal. Affirmations are incredibly powerful for releasing old fears and beliefs, and they have worked beautifully for me many times in the past. I started out trying to write things like "I deserve the blessings in my life"... but that was met with some pretty strong resistance right away. How can a person deserve something without having earned it in some way? Does that even make sense?
I went to the dictionary, and I discovered that, indeed, deserving, by definition, is tied deeply to the idea of earning. I had been right to be skeptical of this idea of "deserving" one's joy. After all, life is full of evidence that people do not so much "get what they deserve", as they get what they believe they deserve. And then there are all those people to whom it never occurs to wonder whether or not they deserve any of the blessings that they enjoy. Good things seem to come to them easily, with no effort whatsoever.
So, how to get past this idea of deserving one's joy? I realized that, as long as I continue to tie the idea of deserving to my joy, it will always be kept at bay. As long as this belief persists, any blessing bestowed unexpectedly feels unearned, and a sense of guilt, mistrust, or waiting for the other shoe to drop, soon arises.
Whether this belief about suffering comes from my early religious training, American culture with its deep Calvinist roots, my family upbringing, or all three, it's time to get rid of it completely and for good.

Here are some affirmations that are working for me:

• I am ready and willing to let go of the belief that suffering is necessary for me to receive the blessings I most deeply desire.
• I now release the need to suffer or pay my dues in any way as a condition of my joy.
• I now release the need to suffer.
• I now release the need to pay my dues.
• I now release all forms of resistance to receiving my highest good.

I also noticed that I tend to get attached to the stories of my suffering that I tell. They become a part of my personal narrative, and in time, they even become a part of my identity, the way I think of myself and describe myself to others. "That's just the way I am. I've always been melancholy." or "I just have shitty luck in relationships." (That last one probably helps to explain why I didn't marry until the age of 35, after having broken off the engagement two years prior...). I realized that as long as I continue to insist on telling my sad stories, I will never move past them. So again, some affirmations...

• I now release all attachment to past, present, and future suffering.
• I now release all attachment to suffering as part of my identity.
• I consciously release all old beliefs about deserving.
• I release all need to punish myself for unexpected blessings.
• I now completely release the need to earn my joy.

And now, because the Universe abhors a vacuum, we must create new beliefs about joy, in order to fill up the space we've created by everything we just released.

• Joy is my birthright.
• I gratefully accept the unexpected blessings in my life.
• Happiness is a hallmark of my existence.
• I now allow myself to get excited about the good things in my life.
• It is safe for me to trust and enjoy the blessings I receive.
  
• I am ready and willing to receive the things and experiences I most deeply desire now.

So far, so good. In addition to this, I've been using a special format-- a ritual, really-- called a Spiral Ceremony, as I slog through the releasement of all of these old ideas and beliefs, and the creation of new beliefs that are better suited to the kind of life I so want to experience and enjoy. Here's how it works:

Write two lists:

1. All the beliefs, people, and circumstances you want out of your life.
2. All the things you want in your life
3. Consciously and completely surround yourself in a protective pink light. You may also want to ask your angels, guides, Higher Self, and/or Higher Power for their support and guidance.
4. Using a Number 2 Ticonderoga pencil, and keeping the pencil in continuous contact with the page, draw a spiral on a blank piece of paper, starting at the outside and circling inwards, while reading aloud the list of all the things you want out of your life.
5. Repeat the spiral going the opposite direction, while reading the list of all the things you want in your life.
6. When you reach the end, continue the spiral into the air while saying "And may this continue on and on, forever and ever into eternity. So be it! So it is! Amen."
7. Burn the spiral and the lists. You can keep the list of things you want in your life, but this is optional.
8. Put your feet into the ocean or into a salt water bath. Use sea salt if possible. Salt is from the ground and cleanses your energy. The ocean takes away all of the residue of everything you have released, and brings to your feet the things that you most deeply desire.
9. If you are working through a particularly difficult issue or a deeply-rooted set of beliefs, you may choose to do this ceremony seven times (within 7-10 days). 7 is a number of change and signifies to the Universe that you are serious about the changes you intend to make. Energy follows intention. I have found the Spiral Ceremony to be *very* effective! My thinking becomes clearer, my energy becomes lighter, and I have been able to change some very old patterns of behaviour in my life. I have high hopes for this current "project"... and I look forward to some new blessings, both expected and unexpected, arriving in my life very soon.
   

Good luck!! :)

Ben and the Fanatic

from Zen Without Zen Masters
by Camden Benares

In his teachings, Ben stressed that Zen was his path because it allowed him to become himself. All the other routes that allegedly lead to cosmic consciousness seemed to put him in conflict with his own nature. He advised all seekers to examine carefully what each system asked of the potential initiate, keeping in mind three rules:

1. What you are required to believe is what the system cannot prove.
2. Anything that you are asked to keep secret is of more value to the teacher than to the student.
3. Any practice that is forbidden offers something that the system cannot sucessfully replace with an alternative.

One listener asked, "Don't you believe that giving up the pleasures of the senses will produce a different consciousness?" "My personal experience," Ben replied, "was that it produced the consciousness of fanatacism."

The Pleasures of Hating

I just heard this poem read aloud by Garrison Keillor on NPR. It's funny cause it's true. It's also funny (and charming) 'cause it's a "gob of spit" (to borrow Henry Miller's expression) in the face of political correctness and all those who say that a truly "enlightened" or "spiritual" person should never feel hatred, much less its pleasures.

Whenever the word "should" creeps in to the conversation (or the internal dialogue, as the case may be), you can bet that the ego has crept in by the back door, the tricksy little bastard.

Judith Lasater once advised a roomful of yoga teachers to "stop shoulding all over yourselves". I love that. I've endeavoured, ever since, to more or less remove that word from my vocab.

So here's my little fuck-you in the face of all that I supposedly "should" be, as a yogi, as a bodyworker, as a seeker, as a "spiritual person". (What IS a "spiritual person", anyway? That phrase always strikes me as completely redundant. We are spiritual beings by definition. It doesn't make any of us special. Deal with it!)

So without further ado,

The Pleasures of Hating
by Laure-Anne Bosselaar

I hate Mozart. Hate him with that healthy
pleasure one feels when exasperation has

crescendoed, when lungs, heart, throat,
and voice explode at once: I hate that! —

there's bliss in this, rapture. My shrink
tried to disabuse me, convinced I use Amadeus

as a prop: Think further, your father perhaps?
I won't go back, think of the shrink

with a powdered wig, pinched lips, mole:
a transference, he'd say, a relapse: so be it.

I hate broccoli, chain saws, patchouli, bra—
clasps that draw dents in your back, roadblocks,

men in black kneesocks, sandals and shorts—
I love hating that. Loathe stickers on tomatoes,

jerky, deconstruction, nazis, doilies. I delight
in detesting. And love loving so much after that.

"The Pleasures of Hating" by Laure-Anne Bosselaar from Small Gods of Grief. © BOA Editions, 2001.

Integrity

Since last Friday I've had this expression, this dictate really, bouncing around in the back of my mind. Maybe it's just something that the Universe is guiding me to do-- something I need to hear right now. But it seems so familiar... like I've heard it somewhere before. I tried to Google the exact expression but no results were found. I tend to trust Google implicitly so that makes me think that perhaps I didn't read it anywhere. So maybe I heard it from a teacher or a friend at some point. Anyway, here it is. Let me know, please, if you can identify an attribution:

Use your power in the direction of love.

It does remind me of one of my favourite Audrey Lorde quotes, but it isn't quite the same:

When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. --Audrey Lorde

For now I'm just going to continue to ponder it, to affirm it, and not to worry about where it came from. It's good advice, regardless...

Discipline, Intuition, and Practice

Erich Schiffmann has taught every teacher that I have ever connected with in a yoga class. My first teacher, Marti Foster, studied with him, among other yoga masters. I studied exclusively with Marti for the first four years that I practiced yoga. I could not have had a better introduction to the practice than to have studied with Marti.

When I moved to Toronto in 2001, I had to find a new studio, and most importantly, a new teacher. I was initially quite worried because I didn't know if there really was any yoga to speak of in Toronto, or if it would be the "same" yoga I was used to. It took a bit of searching, but as it turned out, there is a vibrant yoga scene in Toronto. Yoga Space was the 3rd studio I tried, but I knew fairly quickly that I was home. There was just something about the energy of the place: it was warm, friendly, relaxed, unpretentious, but serious about yoga as a discipline, practice, and way of life. This was exactly what I was accustomed to from studying with Marti.

In fact, at the Yoga Space, I found not one, but two incredible and very different teachers: Bibi Hahn, who teaches Flow Yoga, which came from a practice developed by Amrit Desai at Kripalu; and Kathryn Beet, who teaches Vinyasa Flow. (Bibi and Kathryn both teach in a style and a manner that is informed by the Krishnamacharya-Desikachar tradition, as well as many other forms and traditions of yoga.)

Once again, I discovered a few months after making Yoga Space my new yoga "home", that Kathryn and Bibi had not only studied with Erich but that they were good friends with him.

I really hope that this year will be the year that I finally get to practice with Erich myself. In fact, if all goes well, I am really hoping to participate in his 10-day Teacher Training at the end of the summer. The timing will be a bit tricky, but I will hope for the best.

Here's an example of why Erich is teh bomb. He's a 6'4" pudd'n. It comes across in everything he says and does. I pre-love him.



WHOOSH! :)

How To Tell The Truth

Something that a friend wrote recently on the subject of telling the truth and being direct has reminded me of an article I stumbled across years ago... when I was trying to figure out, quite literally, how to tell the truth. It had recently become unavoidably clear to me that I was not a particularly honest person. A dear friend put it as kindly as he possibly could, and in hindsight-- 13 years on-- I see that he really nailed it. He said, "I think you're as honest with others are you are with yourself." (Which was to say, at the time, very dishonest indeed.)

Being the geek that I am, I actually did an internet search for any insights I might find. This article, and the decisions and actions that followed from it, started a process that has been ongoing ever since.

I had thought that figuring out how to tell the truth was the starting point; was I ever wrong.

Truth: How and Why To Tell It

Here's an excerpt:

Knowing one's own truth.
We are all on our journey toward knowing ourselves better, becoming more aware and more connected to the truth of who we really are.
It is only through our relationships with others that we discover deeper truths about ourselves.
I can never know the truth about another's journey towards truth.

I am on my own unique journey and can never know about another's journey.
Every person's journey is unique to themselves. Though someone else may not allow themselves to know much about their journey, but it is certain that I cannot know about it. So I will stop trying to figure out the truth of another's journey.
If I am looking to others to decide what to do, think, or feel, I am lost in their journey. I feel unease. When I let go of trying to figure out the other person's journey, their intention, their goal or motivation, I feel ease.

I can always know the truth about myself.
The journey towards my truth exists only for me. It is unique to me and for me.
My truth does not have to be substantiated with facts. It does not have to be proven. It does not have to be confirmed.
With mindfulness, I can be well connected to my truth.

Read the rest of the article here

One of the many things I've always loved about that article, and this particular type of truth-telling, is that it makes very clear that figuring out one's own truth is a full-time job. I'm on my journey, you're on yours. I'm writing the script to my life; I can't write yours and you can't fill in the blanks of mine. The most we can do is compare notes, and maybe give a tiny bit of insight in the places where we've had similar experiences.

Coincidentally, I stumbled across a couple of quotes earlier today, on Rob Brezny's site, that are relevant here. Specifically, they deal with the concept of truth-telling as it relates to political and social life, service, and activism.

"The best political, social, and spiritual work we can do is to withdraw the projection of our shadow onto others."
--Carl Jung

"Political activism is seductive because it seems to offer the possibility that one can improve society, make things better, without going through the personal ordeal of rearranging one's perceptions and transforming one's self."
--Tom Robbins

Something in me had always been drawn to extremely direct people. Something in me still is. I have many direct people in my life, and I'm always looking for more. I'm definitely in the You Can't Have Too Many Friends camp.

But these days, I especially value those who can deliver honesty with directness, yes, but with love and compassion as well. Truth-telling, being direct, calling bullshit... there's a form of this that is actually, at heart, quite dishonest. When it becomes sanctimonious, anger-laden, cruel... there's invariably something else going on. At that point, the "truths" that are being delivered really aren't useful; something else is in the way.

Truth is always ultimately built on a foundation of love. It's just sometimes quite difficult and scary to get underneath the surface of things and figure out what's really going on, and to understand what, or who, really needs to change. It's easy to get comfortable with our own Official Story, and to cling to it come hell or high water. But it's also easy to suss out the blind spots: they'll always be right where we're afraid to look, right around the most ominous-looking corner. They'll always be protecting the parts of ourselves and others we're failing to really, deeply love.

I am resolved to take these guidelines to heart, once again, as I step into the new year.

Happy Winter Solstice!

This beautiful image is the artwork of Roberta Lannes-Sealy .

I also find it interesting, given that today is the Winter Solstice, that in the weekly e-mail that I receive from Alison Day's tarot website , the card drawn for this week was Death/Transformation. To me, Winter Solstice also represents the circle of life; as one thing ends or dies, another thing begins or is born. In order to be transformed-- to grow, to change, to learn our life's lessons-- to become more and more of who we truly are-- we die to ourselves repeatedly. And we rise, over and over again, from our own ashes. This is fundamental to life; we all experience this at some point in our journeys. Some of us experience it many times...

Here is what Alison had to say this week about Death and Transformation:

How would you feel if I was to say ‘Oh look, you are about to experience a transformation in your life’? Would you be as spooked as if you simply saw the Death card as your outcome card?

I am in the process of creating the Lotus Tarot deck and I will be naming this card ‘Transformation’ because I believe it portrays the true meaning of this card far better and without evoking the chills that the title ‘Death’ card does.

When the ‘Death’ card appears in a reading, the most common thought is that it is predicting a physical death, that someone is going to die. This, in most, if not all, cases is highly unlikely.

I cannot speak for all Tarot readers, but I personally do not use this card to represent a physical death. For me, the Death card represents an event or series of events or circumstances that may cause great disruption and possible upset, but which make transformation in its many forms inevitable.

I am not a medium or clairvoyant, but I do use the Tarot cards to help give men and women around the world some insights into their own situations and to look at their lives from a different perspective. Let me give you some examples: one of the greatest blows any of us can receive, man or woman, is when we fall utterly in love with someone only to be rejected and left alone. Many of you may have
had such an experience and it can feel like your world has fallen apart.

Such incidences can create transformational change within us, changing our outlook and our approach to love and relationships. For example, if someone, who didn’t love you, lets you go, it can open up a whole new set of circumstances and opportunities for you.

There have been numerous case histories of people who have been bankrupt and who have lost everything only to change course and tactics and go on to achieve great success.

For me, the end of something, whether it be a relationship, job, career or lifestyle is only the sign that it is time for something new to be created. If I am no longer in that relationship, I am free to pursue new love. If I have lost my job, I am free to look for a better one and so on.

The tale of the Phoenix sums up the meaning of the Death card quite well, where a bird dies in the flames only to emerge and fly out of the fire transformed into something far greater.

So don’t fear the Death card when it appears. Take it as a sign that something in your life may come to an end. The transition may be challenging but as the end comes to pass a new beginning will present itself.

Love and Joy,
Alison